An imaginary conversation with the health-curriculum-protesting Mom.

Dear Mom protesting the curriculum:

I know you worry about your children.You worry about them being exposed to the world too soon. You worry about all the bad things out there and I know this,  because I worry too. I understand the fear in your heart and I appreciate and understand you. While I feel the worry that invisibly binds all us moms together, I don't agree with your opposition to the revised health curriculum. I don't see it as the enemy but rather as a tool that will enable our kids to deal with the horrors in this world.
 

I know you are angry, confused and feel passionately about this. But, momma, please don't be that irate, caricature mom in the papers holding a sign which reveals her ignorance. Please don't be the sheep who follows that woman practically bursting with righteous and holy indignation. The one who swears to you that she has read the entire document (she hasn't!) and is convinced, convinced that there is a nefarious conspiracy to specifically corrupt your kids. You are so much more than that.

  So Momma, let's talk over a steaming cup of chai and hash out some of the arguments that are being thrown repeatedly and rowdily over and over again.


1. Its not age appropriate. I don't think my 12 year old should learn about masturbation, sexual consent and sexual activities and I don't want the school to bring mental health into this.

Momma, do you know the average age of puberty now? The American Academy of Paediatrics in 2012 conducted a systematic review (which means they looks at years and years of research) and put it at 9-11 for both genders. That means our kids are hitting that bewitching period between being our little angels to becoming sullen teenagers sooner than we think. Blame the environment, food.. toxins... Mother Nature declaring war.... I have no idea why its happening, but its happening!! Puberty is a strange, vulnerable time and its hard! Along with the obvious physiological changes, there is an explosion of new and alien emotions sweeping through their little psyches. In the worse case scenario, kids at puberty are vulnerable to bullying and developing life long mental health issues (heavy shit, I know). Thankfully, a majority don't have such traumatic experiences but at the least, ALL of them experience some sense of confusion and disorientation. Confusion about all the feelings that are bubbling over out of no where!  For boys mostly, it also means curiosity about sex.

Masturbation happens. Deal with it. With or without your consent, your boy will at some point masturbate. Instead of making him feel shameful or guilty, how about just dealing with it as you would with any other gross bodily excretion? It happens. Move on. No need to make it into a full blown expose. The curriculum is not teaching them HOW to masturbate..  that is a complete fabrication. It is just stating that it is a normal body function. that's all. Really. That is all.

Puberty arrives with curiosity about sex. We live in a world where a 9 year old can access pornography with a click of a button. You can be diligent at home, put in parental controls on your computer, laptop, tablets and I applaud your for that ( good going momma! I'm proud of you!). But what about when they go to a friend's place? Or a public computer ? Or camp?

I for one, would prefer that our kids know the risks and not believe the harmful and frankly dangerous information that they would other wise pick up from questionable sources. It is also a bit naive to think that they will not engage in sexual activity. My worry is, what IF they do get interested and want to experiment? You can bet you will be the last one to know anyway! What if they are under the misguided notion that STD's can only be shared through vaginal intercourse and not through anal or oral sex (BTW, that myth is absolutely incorrect and dangerously misleading)? What if they get pregnant? Or get someone pregnant? You and I both know that it happens. Even in our holier-than- thou, we never-have-sex communities.

 I know you will neuter their 'private parts' if they do anything stupid, but wouldn't it be better to make sure that they are at least safe? Stupid for sure. But safe. Please, go ahead and teach them all about abstinence. Hell, put the fear of God into them! Do it!  In fact,the curriculum is your ally in this regard. It advocates abstinence as the best defense.

 Tell them about your beliefs, your cultural norms. Talk to them. Its uncomfortable, but if they are getting curious about sex at 12 and not at 16, then what's the point of having the talk with them at 16? Not talking is more detrimental and I understand that you don't want to be compelled by the school to initiate this conversation in the first place. After all, your parents never discussed this kind of hanky-panky with you! But my sweet Momma, it a different world out there than what you and I grew up in and we have to accept that.

You are also worried that they learning about the birds and the bees in 3rd grade and its too early... My 3 year old  has already asked me about the origins of babies.. so I am going on a limb here, but  I am relatively sure at 8, they should be ready to accept that Mr. stock is not the post man for babies  arriving gift-wrapped in golden paper. I think they will be OK when they are told that he is simply just a gangly,  kind of dopey-looking bird.

2. Why are they teaching sex-ed in the first place?

Sex education has  been part of the curriculum since the 50's. This is a revision, and certainly not an addition.  From what I'm reading, sex-education in the 50's was WAY more graphic and yucky than it will be EVER be now.

3. I don't want my 6 year to know about their private parts and learn how to touch them!

Momma, why is naming their"private parts" any different from correctly identifying their hands.. or legs? Does teaching them to label their hands make them more prone to break them? The logic behind it is to teach the proper terminology AND most importantly to teach them that no one is allowed to touch them inappropriately. God forbid, if it happens and they are in a terrible situation, then they should NEVER be scared to speak up.

Do you know how many sexual predators live in Ontario?
Check out this site :
http://globalnews.ca/news/1313399/heres-the-sex-offender-map-ontario-didnt-want-you-to-see/

Its scary and sadly it happens all too often. We HAVE to protect our children.

PS: there is no touching anything... FYI

4. Why wasn't I involved in the change?

The curriculum was revised after extensive input from academics, teachers, parent advisory counsels and religious figures.  It is almost tripping over itself in its desire to partner up with the parents to provide the information in the most collaborative way possible. If you want to be more involved then volunteer at your school. Talk to your trustees and talk to your kid's teachers about the contents and how it will be presented within the mandated guidelines. Be involved productively and proactively, but please don't steam roll progress because it does not confirm to your beliefs.

5. This will encourage "gay" behaviour. It's a secret agenda by our lesbian premier to legitimize "gayness" (Honestly, I have no idea what you mean....).

Momma, this one is just silly. Talking about sexual and gender orientation will not make your child gay. Its like saying eating pancakes will make your kids gay. Being or not being gay is biological. If this is contrary to your beliefs then don't agree with it, that is your right. But what the curriculum is teaching your kids is to respect diversity, to respect and not judge someone on the basis of who they chose to fall in love with or who they are. It is a moral, fundamental value and most importantly, a human right.  If you are not white, then I can bet that at some point in your life you too have experienced or witnessed bigotry and you KNOW how deeply it cuts to your soul. Think about it. You cannot be against teaching respect. You just cannot. Don't let idiots who haven't even read the curriculum fan the flames of hatred and cloud your judgement. You are better than that.

As for claims of Kathleen's hidden agenda, the plans for a revision were in place much before Premier Wynne came into office. Ask your self, would you have brought in sexuality or questioned the integrity of the curriculum if the premier was an old, white, male fart?

6. Why am I being forced to go through this this? It violates my rights!

No one is forcing you. If you feel so strongly, you are encouraged to remove your child from gym class without consequences. So why the protest momma ? why?


Sweet Momma, we have so many bigger issues to raise hell about. Teachers on strike, increasing class sizes, the complete and utter dismantling of the French immersion system in Peel ( Sorry, that is specific to my region I know!) are issues that are way more relevant than protesting something that amounts to a highly sanitized class or lecture. These classes completely obliterate the X factor in sex. It's that boring! Please momma, keep talking  and listening. The curriculum is a good thing. Please see that.

Yours truly,
Momdent

Why I will NEVER be a Pinterest Mom-dent.

Ola Chicas!!!
Mom-dent here! having a crazy few weeks here. Grad school was driving me up the wall and I had zero inspiration for a good blog post. Good news for you!!!  the drought is over!!!  The dry spell is gone and the slow, torturous squelching of the soul has finally been terminated. What, oh what could have made you emerge from the shell Mom-dent you ask????

Well... my dear lovelies....  the reason behind this sudden flowering is that since the last couple of weeks I have been on a DIY spree. I  pretty much get this insane itch about once a year so its not that shocking. However, most of the time its around the little prince's birthday and I start trolling Pinterest and become every Etsy vendor's worse nightmare.

But this year, it struck early and when it strikes it strikes hard!!! Ofcourse, I conveniently forget my own limitations with any thing...handy.  After staring at countless Pins and going on a pinning (is that even a word?) frenzy,  I somehow got it in my head that I could also be those DYI goddesses with their pretty little book shelves and burlap sack canvases!

Bookshelves for the little prince's room? No problem! Bring it on! Storage solutions  ..piece of cake!!! or so I thought...

Thankfully, while enduring the excruciating process my sanity returned and I concluded a fundamental fact about my self.   I  AM NOT A PINTEREST MOM and here are 3 reasons why:

1. DYI sucks.
  DYI only looks good when half-naked and very handsome men are doing it... you know.. men and tools and all....

It sucks BIG time if you don't  have the 'right'  and by that I mean very expensive tools. It gets cumbersome surprisingly quickly!  Honestly,  I rather spend my  money on things like hmmm...... let me see.... paying my bloody school fees ( bastards suck my soul AND my money!!)

If you have the modern equivalent of a neanderthal stone tool a.k.a hammer, its tedious and boring and not at all as easy as they make it look on HG TV. Thank god for sweet hubs! Otherwise there would have been half-finished shelves and seat-less toy chests rotting away in my garage.


2. Its not relaxing.
Pinterest blogs lie. Its definitely not all sunshine and daisies and the smell of freshly baked scones wafting through the kitchen window. The whole soul-soothing bit is frankly... poppycock!! The only way  you can enjoy it is if you are Martha Stewart and/or are probably a secret homicidal maniac harbouring dark,evil thoughts. A thin, cold smile and terse geometrical patterns on your perfect macrame, the few clues that betray the inner turmoil churning inside. And oh yeah, you like lilac! lots and lots of lilac!!

 For someone with a bit more of a volatile temperament (who me??? I'm as calm as still waters!!!!)  or have even the slightest bit of fire in your belly (rumble, rumble),  its hell. The painting, the cutting of foam and cloth are all things I can do. .but the hammering of nails is, in my humble opinion, a nightmare.  Pinterest  is dead to me. It fools you into thinking that the whole, glorious process will be like this:

I love me some tools!

 But actually...... Its THIS.

I will kill someone today...

I was Hulking out. Radiating pure, unadulterated rage .. dude!!! plants would shrivel and die in front of that kind of negative energy.   I was such a snapping and snarling beast with my boys.  Even my little prince noticed my extremely pleasant mood. He actually came up to me and timidly asked if I needed a hug (which did soothe the savage beast).

And oh boy...was I  a foul mouthed sailor!!!  I was using swear words that should never, ever be repeated. Urdu swears are very familial. That is, you do things to your family members (we are nothing if not inventive in our ability to insult someone).  After a particularly gruelling knock-out session between the nail, plywood and me,  I was juuusst about to cuss out a priceless gem which in english  would translate to... how shall I put it delicately??  ' A do-er of  one's own sister'.

I would have ripped it out right there, loudly and proudly, but thankfully I had just enough cognitive processing to rise above the haze of red before my eyes and see the monkey prancing about in the garage. Since the 'Bh' was already out, and he was looking at me expectantly,  I had to improvise and I said Bhang! Bhang, which I hoped desperately would come out as a very vehement Bang!

 It became quite the game with me screaming BANG! BANG! BANG in sheer annoyance and the prince copying me and bang, banging all over the garage.  When sweets hubs peeked out to check up on us he took one look and contemplated (Im sure of it!) just walking away. But he is not sweet hubs for nothing and he came gallantly to my rescue, my knight in shining tool belt.

3. You cannot do DYI with your kids.
You can if you have sweet little princesses who sit in one corner and paint flowers and are dainty and and bring you tea in cute little tea cups.  When you have a boy and you are not exactly known for your virtuous patience, then  its a whole different ball game.  The little prince is quite a helpful guy. He really, REALLY  just wants to genuinely help.   Its actually very cute most of the time,  but it means that he wants to touch everything, paint everything and drag your freshly painted toy chests into the rain so he can make it a boat. As you can imagine, it becomes a bit of an exercise in restraint to not completely go nuts.... and I failed miserably.



In conclusion, I  had two very deep and profound epiphanies...

1.  Screw DYI. Find someone to DI for you!
                  or
2. Or better yet....who needs DYI when you can have HDI  (hubs do it).


The shelves and the toy chest took quite nice though......

  Pride of ownership aside and regardless of how much I love the shelves and the chests, I think what I feel right now is pretty much summed by this:

Toodles lovelies!!! If any of you ever hear me even mention the desire to DYI again.. please remind me about  this.

Adios!

10 Promises...

My little prince. My precious boy. You are the nexus of my universe. Having you has made me understand the fierce depths of love that only a mother can feel for her child. There are moments when I look at you and the only way to describe the profound rush of love is the Japanese word yugen (an emotional reaction that cannot be chronicled by words). Alas, the english language is too poor to adequately describe the waves of happiness, joy and thankfulness that wash over me when I look at you, my sweet boy.

Today so close to mother's day, I want to make some promises to you. I hope that one day you will read these and maybe we can do a review of how I did!! ( I better get a 10 on 10 mister!)

1. I promise to hold your hand as far as you need me to. In the playground, in a new classroom or just because.  When the world seems like a scary place, my hand will always be waiting for yours so that we can walk together, as long you as need.

"You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth"- 'The Prophet, Khalil Gibran'

2. I also promise to let you be. To explore the mysteries and wonders. When you are ready to let go, I will let you fly and follow your own path. You were meant to glide and soar my little bird. You journey is to greatness and I ( to borrow very heavily from Khalil Gibran) will be the bow that seeks to let you my magnificent arrow, fly true and far.  That being said, there will be storms my son and whenever you need a harbor, your mamma will always be there to make you feel safe. Always.

3. I promise to never stop the kiss-copter or nose kissies.. or our favorite HUGGIES!. Never underestimate the power of a good jhappi or hug and never be afraid to show the people you love just how much they mean to you.

4. I promise to hug you even more fiercely and deeply every time you get a boobo or are upset to make up for when I wont be able to.  There will be a time where my kisses will not fix and make you 'all better'. When you will have to face your challenges on your own, when cruel words will cut you more deeply than any wound. At those moments I want you to remember that your mama's heart also gets hurt every time you are in pain. She loves you and has your back.

5. I promise to fight for you and yes fight with you. You have your Dada's stubbornness and your mom's tenacity and I know you will drive me crazy! But I will fight for you when ever you need a warrior on your side. You aspire me to be better, to do better and I will do my damnest best to make sure you get everything and you never give up and always fight for what you believe and what you want.

6. I promise to read with you as much as I can. Books are your gateway to wondrous lands and I want to give you the gift of imagination.  You can go any where you like through books. You can climb the highest mountains or go to the deepest depths of the ocean or to fantastical universes filled with magic and wonder. Your mama loves to read and I spent my childhood visiting new worlds, learning new things all by reading books. I want you to have that special feeling when you finish a good book. I want you to understand the power of the written word. More now than ever, my child of the digital age. I want you to experience that rush of familiarity when you turn the pages of a much beloved and oft read book.

7. I promise to have fun with you, travel together with you,  go on long walks and jump through muddy puddles even though I HATE  muddy puddles because I know that's what you will remember.

8. I promise to teach you to respect people and be kind. I want to show you by example and by my actions. Courtesy, respect and kindness are important even when you are a swaggering 25 year old who I most certainly will be nagging for your choice of........ EVERYTHING...you better not have a mohawk!!

9. I promise to try my hardest every day to not hurt you either by careless words or being annoyed. I realize that when you are that way, it mostly for attention, I will try my best every time to give you all of me, as much as I can.. I will not promise perfection but I will try every day to be the best mother I can to you and will never stop trying.

10. I promise in the words of Monica (friends!) to love you so much that no woman will never be good enough for you!!!!!
PS: seriously, I promise to hate every and anyone you ever bring home! that little conniving skank!.....