Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Meet Aya

Hi Mad Mom-dent followers! its been a while! I know, I know! I have been MIA.. again. To give you a quick recap since my last post... shit mountain, crisis of faith, regaining faith, first defense, job hunting, and volunteering with Syrian newcomers BOOM!

 Since November 2015, in some capacity or other, I have been volunteering to help integrate Syrian newcomers. I am usually coordinating schedules for volunteers, managing donation logistics and facilitating the back-end processes.Then, along with 3 other totally bad ass  ladies, I started an initiative: Peel Clothing Collective (www.facebook.com/peelclothingcollective) in anticipation that newcomers to the Peel region would require clothes and  basic necessities and thus collaborated with SAV Syria. Super cool right ? Actually, it's pretty, mundane stuff. Until yesterday... I finally got to interact  personally with some of the families who have arrived in Canada. Newcomer families is a term I use often and in my mind at least,  its a pretty loaded term which has taken on an almost mythical quality that requires quotations marks to convey its significance. I am also guilty of falling into the trap where building up a mystique around a concept  typically comes at the expense of its parts. Thankfully, yesterday I  had the opportunity to deconstruct the  idealized abstract and met 'real' people in the "newcomer family. I heard their stories and we connected. We all talk 'the-talk' about our shared humanity but  I can honestly say I felt that yesterday. It did not matter that we spoke different languages or that there were a thousand things that set us apart. We were drawn together by a simple link forged out of laughter, openness and lots of frantic hand gestures!

Today I am going to introduce you to Aya. A beautiful 19 year old girl who I am completely enamored with. Firstly, because she is the same age as Sherry who will always and forever be my first princess and secondly, something about her just felt familiar.  When I walked in, Aya, her shy 20 year old husband and gorgeous 1 year old were sitting by themselves and appeared lost and overwhelmed. I walked up to them and said hello and started playing with Husne, their little boy and then through my friend who speaks Arabic, we got to the names and details. I told Aya that she was beautiful and you should have seen the smile that lit up her face. As the evening progressed I met a lot of families and so many children who made my heart swell a couple of sizes  with their wit and laughter. A little boy, Ahmed came up to me, held my hand and said "sahaba" which I later found out meant friend and lets just say, the room got very, very dusty. As the evening progressed, I kept going back to check in on Aya. At one point, I could tell that she was getting tired holding Husne so almost instinctively and without a thought, I put my hand out and wordlessly, mother to mother, she handed me her baby and I did the Mom Rock (you know the one where you when you sway side to side with baby perched on the hip). It was easy, natural and there was no hesitation. Aya, I discovered was a vivacious young lady with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes which hid the horrors she had endured. Aya was separated from her family two years ago when they were fleeing Homs. She somehow made it to Jordan where by sheer luck, she bumped into a  school mate with soulful green eyes. This boy, who eventually became her husband, was himself adrift in the sea of humanity and naturally, both of them tethered to each other. Eventually, they were few of the lucky ones who made it to Canada. Aya has not met her family yet. She found out that they may be in one of the numerous camps across Jordan but is awaiting verification from UNHCR who is doing amazing work to reunite families. Despite my non existent Arabic and Aya speaking only a couple of words of English, we somehow managed to connect and interact on a level that frankly, defies understanding.

 Another thing I  discovered is that Twinkle, twinkle little star, has the power to soothe any fussy child! Even one who only understands Arabic. Thank you Beethoven, oh great one! Aya asked me what I was singing and I tried to describe it to her but she thought I was singing about the roof! She gave me a quizzical look and probably thought I was a bit crazy until another amazing 17 year old, Minaal translated for us. I also found out that star in Arabic is called Najmeh (which also happens to be my friend's name.. and all this time, I never thought to ask her what her name meant!). Aya and Minaal together were very curious about how old I was and I told them that I was too old which of course led to a "let's guess madmomdent's age game" ( yikes!). I am very happy to report that they thought I was 26.. .we'll just leave it at that OK!!!!! I am 26!! Deal with it bitches!

I had lots of fun helping Aya pick some clothes for her. While she was browsing, the teenager in this young mother emerged.  She gleefully tried everything and excitedly held it up, laughing with sheer joy that only a 19-year old can muster at the thought of shopping for clothes.
  
Speaking of clothes, I also had the opportunity to help 5 year old Lotus. Of course everything had to be pink and she had the cutest way to let me know if she liked something. If I picked something she didn't like, she would emphatically shake her head and lyrically say "no no no no no no no"and if something met her approval, it would be the same multi syllabic ye- ees yees, yes). We picked dresses, skirts, little jackets( all pink of course). When we were done I spied the most perfect yellow dress and held it up for her to inspect. I wish I could describe the light in her eyes. She was a bit hesitant to take it and was thinking I was going to ask her to give me something  back instead. So she started rummaging through her shopping bag and very sadly took out a pink jacket so that we could trade. I told her she could keep both and got a spontaneous, warm hug as my reward and then she told me through our translator that she would think of me whenever she wore that dress ( damn that room was soo dusty!). Lotus was 2 when she left with her family and in 2 weeks had already picked a lot of English . That was an amazing thing I noticed with all the kids. Its been only 2 weeks and most of them have picked up basic rudimentary English words! Even Aya and her husband are picking up English and I'm sure with the right opportunities, they will be speaking it soon enough!

Before I left for the evening to go home, I hugged Aya  like she was my own and through a translator she told me that she wishes that God blesses me always and maybe her wish came true, because meeting her was indeed a blessing. 

She and her little family are going to be moving into their own apartment in Scarborough and I wish them nothing but joy and laughter from this point on. May they find success, peace and love in this new chapter  and may they find the strength to forget the horrors of their past.


Effervescent Aya

If any body wants to volunteer to help us sort, gather and organize for the families please feel free to visit our page www.facebook.com/peelclothingcollective for volunteer events. Thank you!!!



Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Practicing Perspective



Yesterday was the start of a New Year, according to my religious calendar. And one of the things you have to do is to be thankful and count your blessings. I’m not going to lie. This year has been shitty for me. I am miserable at work and my self worth has taken a major beating. It feels terrible to be that unhappy and to doubt your own potential. I have always been unflinching in my belief that everything happens for a reason and goodness is right around the corner. But these last few months have sorely tested my faith. There have been days, dark, dark days when it feels like every exit is blocked and the more I try to get out, the deeper and further I am sucked right back in.The struggle just seems endless and pointless and at moments, even the laughter of my precious boy does not reach my heart. The burden of feeling useless, undervalued and discounted burrows deep into your soul into dark crevices where only sadness and hopelessness fester.


Then something happened which I have not spoken about to anyone, which forced me to try and change my perspective. It was an eye opener and it put me on a path to what I call, practicing perspective. It’s a struggle and I have to consciously work on it, but it works. It’s about focusing on the good and focusing on it with a single-minded determination.  It’s reminding your self repeatedly of all the goodness in your life and feeling lucky about your blessings. 

About 2 months ago, something quiet literally, snapped me out of my misery spiral. I work in a children’s hospital and my role is in research. Typically, what that means is that I am shielded from the realities of working in a children's hospital. That is, I am insulated from the horror, the heartaches and the intense joys that the hallways of my hospital bear testament to every day. That particular day however, as I was walking with my friends, my heart heavy, my shoulders stooped, barely listening to the conversation around me, I came across a Middle Eastern man sobbing. He may be Jewish or Arab, I don’t know, but he was staring at his phone and sobbing. I couldn’t stop myself from going over and asking if he was OK. Every fiber in my being was rebelling against what was coming next and I could hear a voice in my head, repeating manically, please don’t let it be what I think it is, please don’t let it be what I think it is! and all he did was point at the ward he was standing outside and then he started crying again. 



He couldn’t speak English but I hope to this day that he has just received some bad news and not my worse fear; he had lost his child. His raw anguish, his grief was  beyond measure or quantification. This poor man may have lost the light of his life, and here I was feeling sorry for myself. For what? Because my work sucks! While I could do nothing for that man but offer him empty platitudes that would do nothing to lessen his pain, I resolved at that moment to focus on the good in my life. So here I am, practicing perspective.


1. I am practicing perspective that I have a healthy, joyous, vibrant, beautiful boy who lights up my life. Whose one smile makes my heart soar and whose hugs have the power to heal the day’s weariness.  Who amazes me with his wit, his kindness and his desire to help. Who looks at me with so much love and makes me feel like superwoman. Who reminds me that there is someone in this world who irrevocably needs me and depends on me.   

 2. I am practicing perspective that I have a husband who despite having the burden of taking care of everything, never complains, who will do little things to remind me how loved I am.  This is a man who knowing how much I love mangoes, but dislike the pulpy seed, will save the best parts for me while keeping the pulp for him self. Who comforts and encourages me to keep fighting. Who takes me to beaches so that we can watch our son frolic in the sun.

3. I am practicing perspective that I have parents who will drop everything, and I mean everything, to be by my side when I am at my lowest. Whose unconditional love and unwavering confidence in me always leaves me humbled and grateful.My parents have shown me what loving your child looks like and I am blessed to be their child.

4.  I am practicing perspective that I have friends who rally behind me to remind me my worth and when I need it, give me the kick in the ass to get me moving! I am fortunate that I have people who I can count on no matter what. It is powerful and gratifying all at once.


5. I am practicing perspective that I am healthy and capable of bringing another child into this world and the only thing stopping me are transient circumstances that will eventually change.

6. I am practicing perspective that I live in a breathtakingly beautiful country where I can fall asleep without being terrified that some asshole/shithead/racist/fundamentalist army/mob will bomb my home/murder my family/ brutalize me/trample my rights to live as I chose/ take away my house or land just because they want to and can.

7. I am practicing perspective that I have food when so many in this world have to watch their families and selves wither away without a morsel to eat. I have a roof over my head and after following #HONY in Pakistan these days, I am grateful that I will never have to suffer the  horror, humiliation and helplessness of  bonded brick kiln workers*. http://www.humansofnewyork.com/

8. I  am practicing perspective that I am alive and my friend, who I only see in my dreams, is dead. That I have a support network, which makes me feel loved and cherished. I also feel sad that I could not for him what so many do for me. 

9. I am practicing perspective that even when I am at my lowest, a little voice reminds me that a door will always be open and all I have to do is to ask and I will feel at peace. 

10. I am practicing perspective that even when I thought nothing could replace Lost (only the best TV show ever!), I can still spend hours obsessing over Jon Snow's parentage and wait impatiently for the next season of my newest obsession  Sense 8  #sense8rocks. 

11. I am practicing perspective that I remembered how much reading nourishes my soul and I rediscovered Rumi, Shams, Murakami, Tolkien, Austen, Rowling, Shamsie, Hosseini, Parmuk, Ruiz Zafon and so many, many more wonderful authors who take me into their worlds and allow me to live countless lives. I am also humbled by the realization that while I have unfettered access to books, there are still places in the world where girls and women are killed for daring to read.


12. I am practicing perspective that every humiliation is a lesson and that after every storm there is sunlight and I will live to fight another day.

* Please read Humans of New York's blog or follow them on Facebook.  If you feel like donating,  and can donate, even better! Syeda Fatima, who is featured in their visit to Pakistan section, is a true inspiration. Fatima has been working tirelessly, at great personal cost,  to protect the bonded laborers in Pakistan. Bonded labor is modern slavery. Its a barbaric practice where countless generations are bound to spend their entire lives working to pay of a debt that never ends. Syeda Fatima is a superhero in every sense of the word.

Monday, February 23, 2015

Sweet Hubs.

15 years ago the sweet hubs and I inadvertently channeled Hans Solo and Leia's love confession and never looked back. I don't talk a lot about the sweet hubs on this blog ( being self obsessed and all..) but the truth is there would be no mad mom-dent without sweet hubs.
 
I sometimes find my self staring at the hubs when he is asleep. When the worry lines are softened and I can catch a glimpse of that earnest boy who stole my heart so many years ago. I fell in love with the twinkle in his eyes and even today my heart skips a beat when sweet hubs smiles and his eyes crinkle with mischief.

Sweet hubs and I have literally grown up into adult hood together ( well ... he has! I'm still not there yet!) and I love the man he has become. I love how much he cares for us: me, the little prince and the wonderful parents. He without asking, will do things that just make every thing ...easy. He is not the most expressive and I'm still hoping against hope for the day he does some grand, crazy and filmy gesture ( will never happen) but its the little things that make me feel blessed.
He complements me in so many ways. He is calm and patient when I am volatile and explosive. He is the Spock to my Kirk!  The Sam to my Frodo, my dashing, charming Hans Solo. He has the uncanny ability to see to the root of the problem and explains it in a way that does not make you feel like an idiot .He is super handy (so sexy!) and a fabulous cook... What more can I a girl ask for right?

He is also the only one who can infuriate me to the point of totally insanity.  But I wouldn't have it any other way.Marrying him has to date been my best decision and I love him to bits.

So happy kinda-sorta  been together for dog years anniversary, Hubs. The last 15 years with you have been the craziest, most happening and satisfying and  I count you as my biggest blessing. Here's to another 150 years!!!
Love you!!!


My Boys.

Friday, May 9, 2014

10 Promises...

My little prince. My precious boy. You are the nexus of my universe. Having you has made me understand the fierce depths of love that only a mother can feel for her child. There are moments when I look at you and the only way to describe the profound rush of love is the Japanese word yugen (an emotional reaction that cannot be chronicled by words). Alas, the english language is too poor to adequately describe the waves of happiness, joy and thankfulness that wash over me when I look at you, my sweet boy.

Today so close to mother's day, I want to make some promises to you. I hope that one day you will read these and maybe we can do a review of how I did!! ( I better get a 10 on 10 mister!)

1. I promise to hold your hand as far as you need me to. In the playground, in a new classroom or just because.  When the world seems like a scary place, my hand will always be waiting for yours so that we can walk together, as long you as need.

"You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth"- 'The Prophet, Khalil Gibran'
2. I also promise to let you be. To explore the mysteries and wonders. When you are ready to let go, I will let you fly and follow your own path. You were meant to glide and soar my little bird. You journey is to greatness and I ( to borrow very heavily from Khalil Gibran) will be the bow that seeks to let you my magnificent arrow, fly true and far.  That being said, there will be storms my son and whenever you need a harbor, your mamma will always be there to make you feel safe. Always.

3. I promise to never stop the kiss-copter or nose kissies.. or our favorite HUGGIES!. Never underestimate the power of a good jhappi or hug and never be afraid to show the people you love just how much they mean to you.

4. I promise to hug you even more fiercely and deeply every time you get a boobo or are upset to make up for when I wont be able to.  There will be a time where my kisses will not fix and make you 'all better'. When you will have to face your challenges on your own, when cruel words will cut you more deeply than any wound. At those moments I want you to remember that your mama's heart also gets hurt every time you are in pain. She loves you and has your back.

5. I promise to fight for you and yes fight with you. You have your Dada's stubbornness and your mom's tenacity and I know you will drive me crazy! But I will fight for you when ever you need a warrior on your side. You aspire me to be better, to do better and I will do my damnest best to make sure you get everything and you never give up and always fight for what you believe and what you want.

6. I promise to read with you as much as I can. Books are your gateway to wondrous lands and I want to give you the gift of imagination.  You can go any where you like through books. You can climb the highest mountains or go to the deepest depths of the ocean or to fantastical universes filled with magic and wonder. Your mama loves to read and I spent my childhood visiting new worlds, learning new things all by reading books. I want you to have that special feeling when you finish a good book. I want you to understand the power of the written word. More now than ever, my child of the digital age. I want you to experience that rush of familiarity when you turn the pages of a much beloved and oft read book.

7. I promise to have fun with you, travel together with you,  go on long walks and jump through muddy puddles even though I HATE  muddy puddles because I know that's what you will remember.

8. I promise to teach you to respect people and be kind. I want to show you by example and by my actions. Courtesy, respect and kindness are important even when you are a swaggering 25 year old who I most certainly will be nagging for your choice of........ EVERYTHING...you better not have a mohawk!!

9. I promise to try my hardest every day to not hurt you either by careless words or being annoyed. I realize that when you are that way, it mostly for attention, I will try my best every time to give you all of me, as much as I can.. I will not promise perfection but I will try every day to be the best mother I can to you and will never stop trying.

10. I promise in the words of Monica (friends!) to love you so much that no woman will never be good enough for you!!!!!
PS: seriously, I promise to hate every and anyone you ever bring home! that little conniving skank!.....